The prostate is a walnut-sized gland that responds strongly to pressure. Stimulating it is one of the most commonly recommended and least commonly attempted things in this whole catalogue — usually for reasons that have nothing to do with anatomy.
Where it is and why it works
The prostate sits a few centimetres inside the rectum, towards the front of the body — in the direction of the navel. It is firm and slightly raised compared to the surrounding tissue, which is how you know you have found it.
It is dense with nerve endings and sits close to the base of the penis internally, which is why stimulation can feel deeper and more diffuse than external stimulation, and why orgasms from it are often described as longer and less sharply peaked.
The thing that stops most people
Let us deal with it plainly: enjoying prostate stimulation says nothing whatsoever about who you are attracted to. Nerve endings do not have a sexual orientation. This particular myth is the single biggest reason people who would enjoy this never try it, and it is worth naming rather than tiptoeing around.
What you need
Lube, and a good amount of it. Thick water-based, or silicone if your toy is glass, steel or ABS. The rectum produces no lubrication of its own.
A toy with a flared base. Non-negotiable. Prostate massagers are curved specifically to reach the right spot without you having to angle anything awkwardly, and most have a perineal arm that presses externally at the same time.
Short nails, if using fingers. Obvious, frequently forgotten.
How to start
Empty your bladder first — prostate stimulation often produces a sensation like needing to urinate, and it is much easier to relax if you know that is what it is.
Get aroused before anything goes in. The prostate swells slightly with arousal, which makes it easier to find and more responsive.
Go in slowly, angled towards the front of the body. Wait for the muscle to relax rather than pushing. Once inside, feel for a firm, slightly ridged area a couple of finger-lengths in.
What it should feel like
Pressure and fullness, then a deep, warm, spreading sensation that many people describe as taking a while to build. It is generally slower than external stimulation — it is common for nothing much to happen for several minutes and then for it to become intense quite suddenly.
Sharp pain is not part of this. If you get it, stop; you are likely at the wrong angle or short of lube.
Techniques worth trying
“Come here” motion — a slow curl of the fingertip against the gland, rather than thrusting.
Steady pressure — hold rather than move, and wait. This works far better than most people expect.
Vibration — a vibrating massager does the work for you and is the easiest entry point for solo use.
External perineal pressure — pressing firmly on the smooth patch between the testicles and anus reaches the prostate from outside. If you want to know whether any of this appeals before buying anything, start here.
Solo versus partnered
Solo is easier for learning the anatomy, and a curved massager is designed for exactly that. Partnered is easier for relaxing, because you are not holding your own arm at an angle. Both are worth trying before deciding it does or does not work for you.
Health, honestly
You will see claims that prostate massage prevents or treats prostate problems. The evidence for that is weak, and this is not a substitute for medical care. If you have prostate symptoms, an enlarged prostate, or any pain, speak to a doctor before experimenting — and do not use this as a reason to delay getting checked.
Cleanup
Wash toys thoroughly with warm water and mild soap, dry fully, and store separately. Never move a toy from anal use to any other use without cleaning it properly first.