Some of these you have heard from friends. Some you have read in a magazine. Most of them are wrong, and a couple are actively unhelpful.
“Toys will desensitise you”
No. There is no evidence that vibrator use causes lasting loss of sensitivity. Temporary numbness after a long session with a powerful wand is real, and it fades within hours, much like your hand going numb after gripping something too long. If you find you have come to rely on one specific intensity, vary the toys and the pressure — that is a habit, not a nerve injury.
“Using toys means something is wrong with your relationship”
Backwards, if anything. Couples who use toys together tend to report talking about sex more openly, which is the actual mechanism behind most improvement. A toy is an addition, not a replacement or a verdict.
“Any lube works with any toy”
This one matters. Silicone lube degrades silicone toys — it makes the surface tacky and gradually breaks it down. Oil destroys latex condoms. Water-based lube is the safe default with everything; keep silicone lube for glass, steel and skin.
“Cheap and expensive toys are basically the same”
Sometimes true, sometimes not. Price does not guarantee quality. But material does matter: body-safe silicone, glass, steel and ABS are non-porous and can be properly cleaned. Cheap jelly and PVC toys are porous, can harbour bacteria, and often contain phthalates. Buy on material first, price second.
“You need to be experienced to try BDSM”
Everyone starts somewhere. A blindfold and a conversation is BDSM. So is a scarf tied loosely round a wrist. The skills that matter — negotiating, checking in, stopping when asked — are ordinary communication skills, not advanced technique.
“Anal play is inherently painful”
Only if you rush it. Pain is a signal that something is going too fast or too dry, not proof that it was never going to work. Slowly, with plenty of lube and a modest starting size, it should not hurt.
“Men who enjoy prostate play are secretly gay”
Nerve endings do not have a sexual orientation. The prostate is a sensitive gland that responds to stimulation regardless of who you are attracted to. This myth stops a lot of people enjoying something they would like.
“You can clean a toy with soap and it is fine”
Mostly true, with caveats. Mild unscented soap and warm water is right for non-porous toys. Do not boil anything with a motor, do not put electronics in the dishwasher, and do not use alcohol on silicone — it degrades the surface over time. Dry fully before storing.
“Bigger is better”
Rarely. Most of the nerve endings in the vagina are in the outer third, which is why girth and texture usually register more than length. Oversized toys are the single most common regretted purchase.
“Toys are only for people who are single”
The data says the opposite. Sales skew heavily towards people in relationships. It is a strikingly persistent myth given how little it matches who actually buys them.