Most position guides ignore the fact that someone is holding a toy. These are chosen for exactly that — angle, reach, and being able to keep hold of something without cramping.
What actually makes a position work
Three things, in order. Reach — can a hand or toy get where it needs to without anyone contorting. Angle — does the toy sit where the sensitive tissue is, rather than pressing somewhere it is not wanted. Sustainability — can you hold it for more than ninety seconds without your arm going dead.
Most positions fail on the third one. Cushions solve most of it.
Side-by-side, facing the same way
Both partners on their sides, one behind the other. The best all-round position for toy play: both of your hands are free, there is easy access from front and behind, and nobody is holding themselves up. It works for external toys, internal toys, and prostate play equally well.
Good for: long, unhurried sessions. Not so good for: eye contact, if that matters to you.
Seated, back against the chest
One partner sits between the other’s legs, leaning back against their chest. Excellent for guiding a partner’s hand, and for using a wand together — the person behind has a clear line of sight and a natural angle. Also one of the least demanding positions physically.
On your back, hips raised
A firm cushion under the hips changes the internal angle significantly, which is what makes this worth doing rather than just lying flat. Helpful for G-spot-angled toys, which are shaped to press upwards and need the pelvis tilted to do it properly.
A wedge-shaped cushion holds the angle without you having to.
Face down, hips supported
Lying face down with a pillow or wedge under the hips. Very relaxed, very sustainable, and the position most people find easiest for anal play because it lets the body stay slack. Also good for solo use with a suction-cup toy.
Kneeling over a suction-cup toy
A dildo with a suction base on a firm, non-porous surface — a hard floor, the side of a bath, a headboard. Puts the person on top in complete control of depth and pace, which makes it a good choice for anything larger or for anyone who has had uncomfortable experiences with someone else setting the pace.
Check the surface first. Suction cups fail on tile grout, textured plastic and anything wet.
Standing, one foot raised
One foot up on a bed or chair, partner kneeling or behind. Quick and spontaneous, but the least sustainable on this list — treat it as a starting position rather than the whole evening.
For partnered play with a wearable
App and remote-controlled wearables change the calculation, because nobody has to hold anything. Missionary, spooning and seated positions that would normally be awkward with a toy in hand all become straightforward. This is genuinely what wearables are for, more than the long-distance angle they are usually marketed on.
Practical notes
Keep lube within arm’s reach before you start — getting up to find it is the most common interruption. Put a towel or a waterproof blanket down if you are using a lot of it. And if a position is uncomfortable after a minute, it will not become comfortable after five; change it.